The ability to recognize red flags of sexual predators and of children who are being sexually abused is important. Red flags are warning signs that may indicate some kind of inappropriate relationship or sexual abuse. By recognizing these red flags, child sexual abuse can be prevented or stopped. It is also essential for parents to have conversations with their children about identifying red flags and setting boundaries in uncomfortable situations.
According to the YMCA, sexual predators seek three things to abuse children including access, privacy, and control (n.d.). Most times, offenders already have access to the children they are abusing. This access can increase over the holiday season. According to RAINN, over 90% of perpetrators of child sexual abuse have access to the victim due to being acquaintances or family members (n.d.). In addition to having access, offenders seek privacy with the child to start gaining control. The YMCA claims that offenders gain control through three types of boundary violations to include physical, emotional, and behavioral. It is imperative that we understand how offenders gain control over children.
- Physical boundary violations: excessive tickling, hugging, and massaging
- Emotional boundary violations: spending too much time with a child, acting possessive, and making a child feel special
- Behavioral boundary violations: encouraging a child to sneak around, keep secrets, or only spend time with them
One of the processes used to gain control over children is known as grooming. Grooming is defined as “a method by which sexual offenders engage children and their caretakers so that the abuse can occur with minimal risk of detection” (Safe Kids Thrive, 2021). Grooming allows the offender to build a trusting relationship with the family and gain further access to the child over time. Groomers typically exhibit red flags such as offering to take your child to sports or other activities, offering to mentor your child, or showing interest in your child’s well-being and school grades (Raising Children Network, 2023). If someone is showing increased interest in a child that does not seem appropriate, that is a red flag.
In addition to red flags exhibited by offenders, children may also exhibit red flags due to experiencing grooming or sexual abuse. Children may talk a lot about a particular adult or want to spend a lot of time alone with a particular adult (Raising Children Network, 2023). They might have unexplained gifts and not want to explain where the gifts came from. They could start having nightmares, sleep problems, mood swings, or appear distant and distracted. They might also start exhibiting new adult-like sexual behaviors, knowledge, or language (How to Identify, n.d.). Recognizing these behaviors exhibited by children can aid in preventing further abuse.
Parents need to have conversations with their children about the importance of identifying red flags and setting boundaries. One of the most important aspects of having this conversation with children is being direct when talking about their body. Using code words or phrases to refer to parts of their body that should not be touched can confuse children especially when offenders do not use those same code words. Furthermore, if children report abuse, others may not understand their description of what happened due to the code words or phrases they use. Children need to have clear instruction on their body parts and what is appropriate behavior from those around them.
As part of this conversation, parents need to teach their children:
- It is acceptable to turn down any physical touch that causes them discomfort, even if it comes from someone they know.
- Remind them that nobody has the right to make them feel uncomfortable or to enter their personal space without their consent.
- They have the right to establish limits even if it is simply refusing to hug or kiss a family member.
Children gain confidence from this instruction, which equips them to spot red flags and take necessary actions (Fitch, 2023). Educating children about red flags can help them identify inappropriate behaviors or abuse. Teaching children how to set boundaries gives them a sense of control over their bodies and the tools they need to handle uncomfortable situations.
For further information please see the following:
- https://www.contemporarypediatrics.com/view/aap-tips-for-teaching-children-about-body-boundaries-and-safety
- https://www.ymca.org/what-we-do/youth-development/child-care/recognizing-boundaries
References
Children and Teens: Statistics. RAINN. (n.d.). https://rainn.org/statistics/children-and-teens
Child grooming & other abuse warning signs. Safe Kids Thrive - Keep Kids Safe from Child Sexual Abuse. (2021, June 23). https://safekidsthrive.org/the-report/introduction/other-warning-signs/
Grooming: Recognising the signs. Raising Children Network. (2023, January 13). https://raisingchildren.net.au/school-age/safety/online-safety/grooming-signs
How to identify. Dru Sjodin National Sex Offender Public Website. (n.d.). https://www.nsopw.gov/safety-and-education/how-to-identify
Joshua Fitch (2023). Tips for teaching children about body boundaries and safety
https://www.contemporarypediatrics.com/view/aap-tips-for-teaching-children-about-body-boundaries-and-safety
Recognizing Boundary Violations and Warning Signs. YMCA. (n.d.). https://www.ymca.org/what-we-do/youth-development/child-care/recognizing-boundaries
Bios:
Ms. Kaylee Williams is a student at Methodist University majoring in Criminal Justice and Forensic Science.
Ms. Patti Busch is a student at Methodist University majoring in Psychology and Criminal Justice.
Ms. Jehobia Jujin Premakumar is a student at Methodist University majoring in Computer Information Technology Cyber Security
Ms. Sarah See is an assistant professor at Methodist University in the department of Criminal Justice and Military Science.
